Dear Guy

Dear Internet-Fixer-Guy,

You are the bomb.com. Seriously! It took like...10 seconds for you to fix something that took the last guy 3 months to even get here to fix.

We...shall keep your phone number filed under "Awesome Internet Fixer Guy".

Thank you!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Junk

Dear Sinus Junk,

Please go away. You are making my throat hurt.

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Bloggers

Dear Bloggers,

I find you most entertaining. You feed my voyeuristic impulses by allowing me to live vicariously through your stories.

I feel your pain when you write about sad things. I giggle uncontrollably when you write about funny things. I nod my head in agreement with most of what you say.

I aspire to be able to captivate an audience they way you can with your stories. Until then, I'll just continue to write my little letters...

...and attract stalkers.

Looove[except for the stalkers],
Kimmie.

Dear Friday

Dear Friday,

I'm so over you.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Tornado

Dear Tornado,

Thank you for wiping out the water plant. I sincerely appreciate that. There's nothing more that I love in the world than having to take a "whore's bath" and go to work with dirty, skanky hair. You make all my dreams come true.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. That was sarcasm. Asshole.

Dear Guy

Dear (Extremely) Creepy Guy,

You...are extremely creepy. I wish you would just go away and never speak to me again. You give me the heebie jeebies. It used to bother me that you knew what kind of vehicle I drove. Now that I have a new one, I hope you haven't caught on, yet. I realize this town is small, but I don't know you like that...you shouldn't know me.

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. You don't have to lean down and stick your face in the speaker to talk to me through the drive through. That just makes you look like a ruhtard. (...but if the shoe fits...)

Dear Motivation

Dear Motivation,

Come out! Come out, wherever you are! I need you to make it through this work day. I need to stop writing letters and get to work, but I can't find you anywhere!!!

...I have cookies!

Looove[if I could find you],
Kimmie.

Dear Musician

Dear Musician,

Your song is stuck in my head...and I don't know all the words. Bummer.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. I hope things work out, and I get to see you in May at the Crawfish Festival!

Dear Person

Dear Nail-Fixer-Person,

Why must you do such a craptastic job on my fingernails? I just got these done on Thursday, and they look like I've had them on for almost 3 weeks. They are lifting and look like crap. I pay you good, hard-earned money to make them look nice. AND I TIP YOU!

This is ridiculous! Take your time and do a good job. Please.

[Very little]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Blog2Print

Dear Blog2Print,

I finally got in my printed blog! It's so nicely done! I can't wait until I have enough letters to print this blog.

As I said I would do, I deleted the entries from that blog, and am now setting it up to write my "stories" in.  For now, it shall remain as private as ever, but, I might share it eventually.

Thank you!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

You know you like it when I write you letters. Haha! It strokes your...uh...ego.

I thought I'd be embarrassed, but I just can't stop giggling.

I should probably be ashamed, but I'm not.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. Stop trying to pimp me out to your friends. I'm not interested. Thank you.

Dear Power

Dear Higher Power,

Please be with everyone that was affected by last night's storm. There was a lot of damage. These people have days & days of work in front of them, and year's of memories gone. Comfort them and give them strength. They are going to need both.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Stalker

Dear Stalker (#2),

Stop. Fucking. Stalking. Me.

Seriously!

One of the "search keywords" on my stats, was my fucking name. What the hell?

Stalkersssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok. That is all.

[No]Looove[for you],
Kimmie.

Dear Brain

Dear Brain,

I know you want me to write...but I can't write that stuff at work!! If you will just hang on to it for me until I get off...er...of work, then I'll take it.  There's some good stuff in there...great stuff...but I have nowhere to put it right now.

I think I need a mini computer or something...

Just sit tight!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Music

Dear Music,

Sometimes, you move me.

Sometimes, you make me move. (...like a little white girl with no rhythm...)

I love you.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Father

Dear Father (but not my father...),

Please use your curtains. It weirds me out that I can see into your bathroom...and while I can't see you using the bathroom, I know when you go in there, and how long it takes...and that's...weird.

So...yes...you have curtains. Use them.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Stalker

Dear Stalker,

What is it about me that fascinates you so? I kind of wish you would stop stalking me...because it's creepy. Some things you say make it so obvious. There are certain aspects of my life that you can't just "stumble upon"...you have to be looking for them. So...yeah...

Please stop. Kthxbai.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boots

Dear Pink Camo Boots,

I love you dearly. However, you rub blisters like whoa on the back of my ankles. That makes me sad...Please try not to hurt me!

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. I'm sorry I lost one of you in that mud hole tonight. O.o

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

Sometimes, I'd like to kick you in the nuts. That is all.

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Dog

Dear Dog,

You're cute. Really...you are...but you HAVE to get control of that gas!!!

Ugh!

Looove,
Kimmie.

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