Dear Man

Dear Man,

I was quite pleasantly surprised...I really expected you to be a douche. You're polite, smart, funny....you smell delicious....

I think I may be in trouble...

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

I can't wait to see you tonight! It's been toooo long! I love you!

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

Please don't be scary...

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

When I get on the interstate, I think of our road trips. Eighty-two is a good speed, yeah?

Those were fun.

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Is it so hard to pick up a telephone receiver while you are calling someone? I don't want to listen to the phone ring and ring and ring.

Please be considerate.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman with the Big Hair,

Stop stalking me. That is so unnerving.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I almost choked.

Dear Men

Dear Men,

Please...figure out what it is you want before you pursue a woman. It'll save everyone a little heartache.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

I'm not going to spend my days and nights thinking about you if you are not interested in me. We aren't about to start this little game where you just talk to me when you need something new to occupy your time. If you want me, you want me first...not second, third, or anything else.

I will be in the same zip code as you, this weekend, but I'm not going to go out of my way to make sure our paths cross... I hope you understand this.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I thought about you last night... more than once. ;)

Dear Store

Dear Store,

I haven't any money. Stop tempting me, dammit!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

Congratulations are in order... I guess... I just hope you know what you're doing...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

You're awesome! I really enjoy talking to you. Thus far, however, I'm not physically attracted to you...and I'm so afraid I'll hurt your feelings when I put you in the friend-zone... I try to change the subject or laugh it off when you start taking things in the wrong direction...but I'm not sure my point is getting across....

Is it selfish for me to ask you not to make this so hard on me?

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I sincerely appreciate your compliment, and your being polite. However, my daddy...would kill me.

I'm sorry.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Please...let's not go there today... Just shut up.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Mister

Dear Mister Lol!,

I can't believe I miss you. That's a bit ridiculous. I hope I get to talk to you soon. =P

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Let me do my fucking job! Leave me the fuck alone!

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

He just not that into you is he's trying online dating while you're "hanging out".

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Dear Man

Dear Man,

Thank you for making me feel so fucking uncomfortable and completely changing my perception of you...

I won't be back.

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

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P.S.

P.S.

If you never ask for my number, you'll likely never get to talk to me. That's how we're playing this one. :)

Dear Men

Dear Men,

Let's kick it old school. You court me for a while, okay?

Ready...
Set...
Go!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You are terribly adorable, but you seem so manly! RAWR!

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

I haven't had these panties on since the last time I spent the night with you... weird that I thought of that when I put them on.

That was a nice night. I wonder if you think about it...

Looove,
Kimmie.

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P.S.

P.S.

I miss you.

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Dear Friend

Dear Friend,

Please take stock of your life. Get your priorities in order. You aren't a spring chicken anymore. I have never seen you look so exhausted as I did the other night. I could see it in your eyes. Please take care of yourself. Get some rest. She'll still be there when you wake up...if not, then it just wasn't meant to be.

I love you to pieces. I've seen what happens, first hand-experienced what happens, when you let someone else take over your world and you don't let your body rest and refresh. It's not pretty.

...but it was the kick in the ass that I needed... perhaps you do, too.

Take care of yourself, sir.

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

I think I'm cuter than you, and I feel like I probably have more to offer than you; however, it appears as though "he's just not that into me", so...for him not trying to remove your tonsils with his tongue...you're welcome.

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. I also think he's better than you, and deserves the same.

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Dear Man

Dear Man,

I love that you enjoyed my cupcakes the other night. It made me giggle...that and when you offered them to your girlfriend. Hahaha! If she only knew how much you loved them... ;)

Looove[and delicious cupcakes],
Kimmie.

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Dear Ladies

Dear Ladies,

Last night was fun! Thanks for the free drinks! (But Lord knows I didn't need that much tequila! I almost spilled all kinds of secrets to that man!)

Next time...some restraing, perhaps...Hahah!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You are my favorite person to make cupcakes for. You seem to appreciate them the most.

I wish I could make them for you again, but I do respect you for being faithful. That's hard to come by these days.

Looove[and cupcakes],
Kimmikins.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

Why do you do this to yourself? Doing the things you know will only hurt in the end. Hurt yourself more than anyone else... You need to stop being so dumb.

You are worth so much more than the way you treat yourself...I say "you treat yourself", because you are the one allowing them to get to you.

That old saying "Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me." holds true...especially after the 3rd time. You've no one to blame but yourself and you need to straighten up!

Be good to yourself...someone has to.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Bed

Dear Bed,

Why must you prevent me from sleeping all the way through the night? It's got to be your fault because when I slept in a different bed Monday night, I did't wake up until my alarm went off. That's pretty much unheard of lately...

I think it's time to say good-bye...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I dreamed about you. It was beautiful...but sad because it will likely never happen.

Please stop invading my dreams.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

I'm done. You can no longer have your cupcake and eat it too.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

I would like to get laid, but I think I'm through playing your game.  When you get tired of playing and decide to do something worth-while, let me know.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

Seeing you the other night did nothing but make me want you even more. I couldn't resist being a little inappropriate just to make you think about me like that.

I saw you looking at me a couple of times... I only wish you wanted me still...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

You are trashy and irresponsible. I'm sorry my sister tried to give you so much credit only to be proven horribly wrong.

I never once expected any better from you.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

It's cute that you thought we'd had sex...but I promise if we had, you'd have known it was me and not her...and you wouldn't have given me the cold shoulder trying to avoid me...

Thanks to your little reminder Saturday night, however, you'll never know for sure...and it's not because you have a girlfriend that you think you are going to marry... That won't last.

You are rude and disrepectful...and that was super trashy.

Looove,
Kimmie.