Dear Man

Dear Man,

Naughty naughty... *giggle*

..but it's okay...because I've had a secret crush on you for a while. ;)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

You are not "defying" us...you are costing yourself some really good friendships...over some bullshit.

Tsk tsk tsk...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

I'll make a trade with you. *wink wink*

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman with the Scary Eyebriars,

There is no reason for you to be so rough on my little toes! You made the skin go away on my big toe. What the hell is wrong with you?!?! (...besides your eyebriars...)

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

I'd say I'm sorry for what I did...but I'd likely do it again...

Soo....perhaps...I'm sorry for not being sorry?

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear You

Dear You,

I can't believe it took nearly 8 years for that to happen...

I thought it would be different...I'm not sure how, exactly... I thought it would be weird... It really wasn't.

Merry Christmas!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Ass

Dear Jackass,

I have zero respect for you at this point.

You are on thin ice.

Tread lightly.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You will always be my "one that got away" I think... We were suppose to meet... You weren't even the "right" funny guy that was suppose to come to my party. I miss you. I miss us hanging out.

I compare everyone to you.

No one measures up.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

What the hell are you doing?

Yes...I'm talking to you.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

You have been "demoted". I find it hard to call you a "man" when you won't "man up" and do what you need to do because you are a coward. You are waiting on someone else to do it for you.

I could very quickly tell her what I know about you and you what I know about her and that would probably take care of it, but it's not my responsibility...and I'm not going to worry about it anymore.

I slipped up a few weeks ago...but I promise I won't do it again.

I'm done.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

Shame on you!

Shame. On. You.

I defended your "honor"... I'm so disappointed...and hurt...

Do what you have to do...but don't make me look like a fucking fool.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I've been really naughty this year...but truly, that's probably when I'm at my best...so don't hold it against me....(not to mention...there's the whole Ms. Claus thing...and I'm not really a homewrecker...though I have been accused of that, too, this year.)

I'm not looking for material things. I have money for that.

This year, I'd like someone to:

• Hold me close when it's cold.
• Kiss my forehead.
• Cheer me up when I'm down.
• Make me laugh until I cry.
• Fall asleep snuggling me...fully clothed.
• Hug me when I need it...and even if I don't.
• Kiss me like they mean it.
• Tell me they love me...but only when it's true.

I know this is kinda short notice...so I don't expect you to find this before Christmas... I'll accept a late delivery.

The cupcakes? Ms. Claus will handle those.

Merry Christmas!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Rain

Dear Rain,

I know we need you, but you are making me soooo sleeepy.....

Looove [*yawn*],
Kimmie.

Dear Evil

Dear Evil Mastermind,

Fun times!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You were the one who made the decision that we should go our seperate ways. I'm sorry that you can't deal with us being "just friends"... but please stop sending me those pitiful text messages. It just makes you look like a fool. Trust me... I've been there...

I miss talking to you every day. I think about you ever day. We could still talk on the phone or text...but I'm respecting your wishes.

You should too.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

You really surprised me this time. This is going to be so much fun! Hurry up, dammit!

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I'm sure you think I'm just like everyone else...but I'm not. I didn't plan to disappear on you. I genuinely had fun and enjoyed talking to you...I just didn't feel anything other than friends.

I hope you don't hate me....it was your decision to disappear...

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. Resigning Words with Friends was a bit much...no?

P.S.

P.S.

It meant a lot to me, that you missed me...

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I can't wait until Saturday. I hope everything goes good...

I hope you like me...

Please like me...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Phone

Dear Phone,

You are brand new! Why are you being contrary with you're camera?! Now I'm going to have to make a special trip back to the Verizon store!

Hmph...

[Sad] Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

Please don't hurt me.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Creepy Bar Man,

You...are creepy. I appreciate your thinking I'm beautiful, but no...Just...No.


[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I'm sorry about Friday night...I shouldn't have said those things...but you should not have been waving your snake in my face.

Don't start nothin'. Won't be nothin'.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Tequila

Dear Tequila,

I do love you so...but I think it's time we called it quits. You can always get the truth out of me...and not everyone needs to know the truth about everything... I spend too much time apologizing for the things you make me say.

I don't want to, but I need to.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Gangsta

Dear Gangsta (of love),

Stop stalking my blog and get to work!!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Crazy-Curly-Hair-Man,

I'm sorry I didn't show up this weekend like I said I might. Some stuff happened and I didn't even drive home until yesterday morning.

Really, though?

I was terrified... I felt like we "clicked" right away...just bullshitting back and forth...you made me laugh. Sometimes, though, I got a little scared...because I wasn't sure if you were serious or not... I have an overactive imagination, and sometimes, it gets in my way.

I told my best friend about you. I let her read our conversation...and just told her to look past the dirty parts, Haha! She told me that she thought we complimented each other well...that she could see herself just rolling with laughter listening to us talk because we were so much alike...

At first, she tried to sway me from coming to see you...then she was encouraging it...telling me it's not that far of a trip...and that I could call her if anything happened.

I just...got scared...and possibly let that ruin something that might have been so good.

I'm sorry.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I had fun. You only get to live once, right?

Thanks for that, at least.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

Really?! Thanks for proving me wrong.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I was quite pleasantly surprised...I really expected you to be a douche. You're polite, smart, funny....you smell delicious....

I think I may be in trouble...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

I can't wait to see you tonight! It's been toooo long! I love you!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

Please don't be scary...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

When I get on the interstate, I think of our road trips. Eighty-two is a good speed, yeah?

Those were fun.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Is it so hard to pick up a telephone receiver while you are calling someone? I don't want to listen to the phone ring and ring and ring.

Please be considerate.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman with the Big Hair,

Stop stalking me. That is so unnerving.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I almost choked.

Dear Men

Dear Men,

Please...figure out what it is you want before you pursue a woman. It'll save everyone a little heartache.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

I'm not going to spend my days and nights thinking about you if you are not interested in me. We aren't about to start this little game where you just talk to me when you need something new to occupy your time. If you want me, you want me first...not second, third, or anything else.

I will be in the same zip code as you, this weekend, but I'm not going to go out of my way to make sure our paths cross... I hope you understand this.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I thought about you last night... more than once. ;)

Dear Store

Dear Store,

I haven't any money. Stop tempting me, dammit!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

Congratulations are in order... I guess... I just hope you know what you're doing...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

You're awesome! I really enjoy talking to you. Thus far, however, I'm not physically attracted to you...and I'm so afraid I'll hurt your feelings when I put you in the friend-zone... I try to change the subject or laugh it off when you start taking things in the wrong direction...but I'm not sure my point is getting across....

Is it selfish for me to ask you not to make this so hard on me?

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I sincerely appreciate your compliment, and your being polite. However, my daddy...would kill me.

I'm sorry.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Please...let's not go there today... Just shut up.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Mister

Dear Mister Lol!,

I can't believe I miss you. That's a bit ridiculous. I hope I get to talk to you soon. =P

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Let me do my fucking job! Leave me the fuck alone!

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

He just not that into you is he's trying online dating while you're "hanging out".

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Man

Dear Man,

Thank you for making me feel so fucking uncomfortable and completely changing my perception of you...

I won't be back.

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

P.S.

P.S.

If you never ask for my number, you'll likely never get to talk to me. That's how we're playing this one. :)

Dear Men

Dear Men,

Let's kick it old school. You court me for a while, okay?

Ready...
Set...
Go!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You are terribly adorable, but you seem so manly! RAWR!

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

I haven't had these panties on since the last time I spent the night with you... weird that I thought of that when I put them on.

That was a nice night. I wonder if you think about it...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

P.S.

P.S.

I miss you.

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Dear Friend

Dear Friend,

Please take stock of your life. Get your priorities in order. You aren't a spring chicken anymore. I have never seen you look so exhausted as I did the other night. I could see it in your eyes. Please take care of yourself. Get some rest. She'll still be there when you wake up...if not, then it just wasn't meant to be.

I love you to pieces. I've seen what happens, first hand-experienced what happens, when you let someone else take over your world and you don't let your body rest and refresh. It's not pretty.

...but it was the kick in the ass that I needed... perhaps you do, too.

Take care of yourself, sir.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

I think I'm cuter than you, and I feel like I probably have more to offer than you; however, it appears as though "he's just not that into me", so...for him not trying to remove your tonsils with his tongue...you're welcome.

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. I also think he's better than you, and deserves the same.

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Dear Man

Dear Man,

I love that you enjoyed my cupcakes the other night. It made me giggle...that and when you offered them to your girlfriend. Hahaha! If she only knew how much you loved them... ;)

Looove[and delicious cupcakes],
Kimmie.

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Dear Ladies

Dear Ladies,

Last night was fun! Thanks for the free drinks! (But Lord knows I didn't need that much tequila! I almost spilled all kinds of secrets to that man!)

Next time...some restraing, perhaps...Hahah!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You are my favorite person to make cupcakes for. You seem to appreciate them the most.

I wish I could make them for you again, but I do respect you for being faithful. That's hard to come by these days.

Looove[and cupcakes],
Kimmikins.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

Why do you do this to yourself? Doing the things you know will only hurt in the end. Hurt yourself more than anyone else... You need to stop being so dumb.

You are worth so much more than the way you treat yourself...I say "you treat yourself", because you are the one allowing them to get to you.

That old saying "Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me." holds true...especially after the 3rd time. You've no one to blame but yourself and you need to straighten up!

Be good to yourself...someone has to.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Bed

Dear Bed,

Why must you prevent me from sleeping all the way through the night? It's got to be your fault because when I slept in a different bed Monday night, I did't wake up until my alarm went off. That's pretty much unheard of lately...

I think it's time to say good-bye...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I dreamed about you. It was beautiful...but sad because it will likely never happen.

Please stop invading my dreams.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

I'm done. You can no longer have your cupcake and eat it too.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

I would like to get laid, but I think I'm through playing your game.  When you get tired of playing and decide to do something worth-while, let me know.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

Seeing you the other night did nothing but make me want you even more. I couldn't resist being a little inappropriate just to make you think about me like that.

I saw you looking at me a couple of times... I only wish you wanted me still...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

You are trashy and irresponsible. I'm sorry my sister tried to give you so much credit only to be proven horribly wrong.

I never once expected any better from you.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

It's cute that you thought we'd had sex...but I promise if we had, you'd have known it was me and not her...and you wouldn't have given me the cold shoulder trying to avoid me...

Thanks to your little reminder Saturday night, however, you'll never know for sure...and it's not because you have a girlfriend that you think you are going to marry... That won't last.

You are rude and disrepectful...and that was super trashy.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sister

Dear Almost Sister,

Tonight was so much fun! We could get in so much trouble together. We should hang out more often.

Have fun baking cupcakes!

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Sister

Dear Sister,

Your bed is so comfy. I wish it was mine and there was a man in it with me.

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

That was a...nice...offer, but I still don't think you like me. Sooo....what gives?

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You are a dumbass.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Don't freak out now, but I think a skunk died on your head...

Just thought I should let you know.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Bump-its

Dear Bump-its,

You are scary.

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear People

Dear People,

Please just leave me the fuck alone today.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

Thank you. I think...

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I retract my previous statement. If you're still in, I'm still in.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

I'm in dire need of a sexercism...can you help me with this?

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

You need to stay in your window and stop running off all the time.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. You annoy me.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

You need to lock your conscience in a box somewhere and throw away the key.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I love you.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You shouldn't think of me like that!!!

...but it's okay if you do. It's how I'm thinking of you. ;)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

I was trying to figure our why you got along with her so well... It's the maturity level, I believe.

What are you both...twelve?

Grow. Up.

Please. Thank you.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Little Girl,

We all aspire to be like someone, but if you choose her... oh boy...

You might want to think that through a little more...

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

The irony of your current relationship amuses me greatly.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

I like how you told me that you were still going to be around and we were still going to talk...and I haven't seen you or heard from you since.

You were my favorite...

Looove[still],
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

Thinking of you keeps me distracted at work... This is probably not a good thing...

Dear People

Dear People,

Please keep all your dumb drama off of Facebook. It's pretty ridiculous.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

You are so dumb. You are really dumb.

Dear Men

Dear Men,

Please pick up your testicles at the baggage claim.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

P.S.

P.S.

Last night was awesome...even though I am tired as hell.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear You

Dear You,

Whenever you're around, I don't think about all the bullshit. I just have fun. Thank you for that.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

P.S.

P.S.

I don't know what the fuck I did, but I guess I get the point...

Dear Man

Dear Man,

Sometimes... other people can say it better than I can...

I dare you to let me be your one and only.

I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms.

So come on and give me a chance to prove that I'm the one who can walk that mile.

Until the end starts...

I know it ain't easy giving up your heart.

Nobody's perfect. Trust me I've earned it.

*sigh*

Looove,
Kimmie[and Adele].

P.S.

P.S.

I miss that mouth. You give me some of the best...

Dear UPS

Dear UPS,

What's the hold-up?!?! I'm waiting on cute shoes!!! This is important!

[Unsure]Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

Someone asked me about you at work the other day and she said I blushed... What does that mean?

Dear Dumbass

Dear Dumbass,

Those blue headlights are SO illegal...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Store

Dear Shoe Store,

Damn you! I was trying to buy those foxy fuschia pumps! You know how badly I wanted them! How dare you sell the last pair to someone else! You know they aren't near fabulous enough for them!

Hmph!

[No more]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sister

Dear [Almost]Sister,

You always make me want to cry when you talk to me like a mommy. I know that's insane, right? Still, somehow, it makes me feel better.

I love you, lady. Thank you for being "on my side".

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

You're missing out.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

To each her own and what-not...but you're training is all ovah the place! You need a little organization before you teach someone new.

Just an observation...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Mister

Dear Mister,

Please don't punish me because I lost your charger... I'll get you  a new one!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

Your great aunt just came in here and I overheard her telling someone I looked "so much like" you.  She sounded sad. You should visit her.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

Last night was so much fun. We should really do that again.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Cleaners

Dear Cleaners,

What. The. Hell?!?! You never clean properly. You never throw away my cups. You never do anything you are supposed to. So...last night, I left my new big giant water cup on my desk...come back this morning...and it's GONE!

What the hell?!

Consistency. Please!

[No]Looove,
[Cupless]Kimmie.

Dear Friend

Dear Friend,

I haven't seen you since your brother's funeral. I haven't talked to you in months. Yet, somehow, I managed to have quite the interesting dream about you last night. I've never had those thought about you...that I can remember... Unconcious fantasies of a subconcious desire? Who knows.

Now, I'm thinking of you (though, admittedly, not like that)... I do hope you are well.

[Me]Looove[you long time],
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I make those comments just because I know they will make your mind wander too. Heh.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

Let's hang out. You know...just as friends...or whatever.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Nosey

Dear Nosey-Ass-Fuck,

Mind  your own damned business. If I need your assistance, I will ask you. If I have something that needs your attention, I will tell you. Otherwise...stay in your office. Talk on your phone. Terrorize your customers.

Leave me the fuck alone.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

Yours is not the only one she's seen. Sahrry!

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Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

Don't get testy because you want me. Haha! Winky face.

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Man

Dear Man,

What I want to do is invite you over...not for intercourse...just to snuggle.

...and maybe intercourse...

...but it's not my house, and I haven't a bed...

Sigh.

Looove[anyway],
Kimmie.

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Dear Bartender

Dear Bartender,

Those drinks were delish! You know how much I love tequila, and that is why you're my favorite bartender.

Well...that....and because you're cute. ;)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I rather enjoy listening to you talk...even if you do seem to tell the same stories over and over... Your wife, however, was quite fucked up last night... she should not have been driving...

I'm just sayin'...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

Sometimes, I wish I could unsay some of the things I've told you.

Or...I wish you could just forget them...

Dammit.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

What purpose does your presence even serve? Why can't you just stay your loud, obnoxious ass in the truck while your mom takes care of her business.

You're fucking annoying.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

Buying drinks for females does not give you permission to act like that... We didn't ask for them.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

:)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Ladies

Dear Ladies,

Last night was so much fun! It was so nice to get away and hang out with people I don't always get to.

...even if there were shitty drinks, and douchebags.

Let's do it again, sometime!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Guy

Dear Guy,

You really are a dreadful bartender...but at least you're cute?

More tequila. Less mix.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Douche

Dear Douche,

You were not funny. She was drunk.

And you were rude.

Pull your head out of your ass before you come to the bar, next time...Just a word of advice.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You need to just chill with me and stop running so much. You're going run yourself into the ground...and then what? Then...you'll be in the ground. That's what!

And I'll be sad...and I'll really miss your face, then. :(

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Kimmie

Dear Kimmie,

Stop over-analyzing everything. "What will be will be."

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

...and your funny stories...and hearing you laugh...really laugh...

P.S.

P.S.

I miss you beside me.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

Flashbacks. That is all.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Your... "fake-ness"... is overwhelming.

Tone it down some.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Llama

Dear Drama Llama,

Please carry your ass elsewhere. I do not feel like listening to you today.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

Please think I'm hot...or at least cute...

Yes. I'm grovelling...kinda...

Looove[anyway],
Kimmie.

Dear Primer

Dear Primer,

What the hell is wrong with you??!?! My eyeshadow should not be creasing! Especially not this fast.

I'm terribly disappointed in you...

[A lot less]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Cuz

Dear Cuz,

Teach me new language. It will be fun.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

Those aren't the kind of cupcakes I meant... allow me to demonstrate?

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

No. Body. Cares.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I really think I could cure your cranky with cupcakes. I really want to cure your cranky with cupcakes... But I'm going to bite my tongue and not offer... I'm trying to be strong... and I'm afraid of rejection... even thought I don't really think you would reject my cupcakes. (There's that small chance I could be wrong...)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Guys

Dear Guys,

Why are you such hard-headed douches?

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

That was a most interesting dream...and nothing bad even happened!

Well...nothing very bad...

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

It's the little things, like that, that make me smile.

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

I would kinda just like to hold your hand. That's pretty pitiful...I know...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Cupcakes

Dear Cupcakes,

I really miss you. It's pretty pitiful...I know.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Firefly

Dear Firefly,

Thank you for depressing me.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

We call in our breakfast order for a reason...not just for fun. We do this every week... How hard is it to get it right??

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Women

Dear Women,

Just leave me the fuck alone today, and we'll get along just fine.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

It always makes me feel so much better after I talk to you...even about mundane things.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Daddy

Dear Bank Daddy,

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

The proper phrase is "never saw you"...not "never seen you".

Looove[and proper grammar],
Kimmie.

Dear You

Dear You,

It the beginning, I told you I was not that kind of girl...and said that you weren't my type...

Then I became that kind of girl...and you became my type...

It's been so fun. Doing something I never thought I would...but...if I'm honest, and I think I can be... If I had any idea that it would have come to this... I would have held out...

That disappoints me the most, I think...

Looove,
Me.

Dear Everyone

Dear Everyone,

My boobs are ginormous today.

This has been your Public Service Announcement for today.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. ...And they are spectacular... :)

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

If you are going to work with us for the next few weeks, you are going to have to get "un-quiet"... We are the least quiet group of women employed by the bank.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

I didn't mean to offend you. I thought it was funneh...and I thought you would too...

Sahrry!

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I can't stop day-dreaming about you. This is not good for my...productivity...

P.S.

P.S.

I still make wishes for you, everyday at 2:22.

P.S.

P.S.

I want you.

P.S.

P.S.

Just stop thinking...please...

P.S.

P.S.

If you were to reflect on your lifestyle now, versus your lifestyle then...there would be no mystery...

P.S.

P.S.

You need to take care of your personal business on personal time. No one wants to hear your drama.

P.S.

P.S.

This song will always make me think of you. I wish I had known you then...

P.S.

P.S.

Sometimes, it's just nice to know you wanted me.

P.S.

P.S.

I usually like my space when I sleep, but I miss your chest warm against my back.

P.S.

P.S.

I always sleep more soundly when I pretend you're next to me...

Dear Weirdo

Dear Weirdo,

Really? Why are you still trying to text me after 8 months?! Couldn't I very well be dead??

Oi-fucking-vey...

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

I believe we need to test my theory.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Bird

Dear Bird,

I'm terribly sorry that you hit my windshield...but I really don't think I'm at fault... You shouldn't have spazzed out when I drove by...

Sorry...

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I think you are lying...not only to me, but to yourself...and I'm not sure you even realize it...

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I have a pretty overwhelming desire to pull on your ponytail. *giggle*

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

Get over it.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I know it's ridiculous, but I'm just tired of trying.

Dear Guy

Dear Guy,

Fuck you and the games you play.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Today

Dear Today,

Fuck you.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

You are seriously annoying the fuck out of me, today.

P.S.

P.S.

You think too much.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Shut the hell up already. At some point, you have to realize it is not your problem, nor your business, anymore...and move the fuck on!

Just. Be. Quiet.

PLEASE!

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I feel completely satisfied, but I still want you.

P.S.

P.S.

If you go, I'll miss you terribly... I'll miss you, but I'll support you 100%.

Dear Trainer

Dear Trainer,

Let's get this done with, okay? You don't really have to answer all those questions...because they'll still be asking them a month from now when we go live. Repetition is the only thing that will work for them.

Looove,
The girl with too much personality to be a programmer. :P

Dear Friday

Dear Friday,

Where are youuuu? I've been waiting for your quick return.

Please come soon.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

There's no need for anything complicated just to get some good snuggles in. It is nice to have a body to snuggle up to. Sure... extra pillows work, but they don't have arms to wrap around you.

...and yours are nice.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I'm completely serious about our movie night...or movie week...whatever. I'm ready.

I just want to hang out and cuddle up on the couch and watch movies until we fall asleep. Is that so wrong?

I mean...I'm a lonely girl...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

It's amazing the overwhelming desire I have to kick you in the teeth.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

I thought that was you today at lunch...just for a moment. Then common sense took over.

...but I was giddy for a moment...which is pretty ridiculous.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You could be my gyno. Heh! Heh! Heh!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Cop

Dear Cop,

Move your ass!!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Sleep

Dear Sleep,

Why won't you come to me? I realize you're more comfy and enjoyable when I have someone to snuggle up to, but it's not possible right now.... maybe soon-ish.

Please don't make me wait for you.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Ladies

Dear Ladies,

Shut the fuck up already.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

I have been nothing but nice to you. I have loved you since the first time I met you. That doesn't happen much. I've never done anything to cross any lines with you, nor have I ever thought about it.  I miss our fun, crazy, then completely lazy weekends. I miss you being around. I miss the you that I've loved from the beginning.

You are technically a grown man, and you are entitled to any decisions you choose to make. I just want you to be happy. I love you, and I will always be here... Always.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You make me laugh like crazy. I love that.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

I don't like you. No...I don't know you, but I'm certain I don't like you. I won't even go so far as to say that if I ever met you I'd like you...because I wouldn't. Of that I am certain.

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

I had a dream about you yesterday while I was napping... It was interesting to say the least... Nothing bad happened, mind you...but the potential was there. Heh!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I'm not sure why you have been so chatty lately, but I kinda like it. :)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Your moose knuckle is showing. It's not cute.

And...you look kind of like a dinosaur off of Land Before Time...but it's not cute, either.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Site

Dear Site,

Why...are people being linked to Looove, Kimmie from you? I've never posted anything about teeth whitening...what the hell is up with that, yo?

You're weird.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Lady

Dear Boss Lady,

I'm sorry that I'm leaving you in a bind. Really. I am...but I have got to get out of Tensas Parish. Surely you understand this necessity.

I promise, though... This is the lesser of two evils... For now...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Customers

Dear Customers,

It's not cool to put loose change in the drive-thru drawer. It's also not cool to get on your cell phone and start hollering at the person on the other end of that phone call...while you are sitting in my drive-thru.

Shove it  up your ass!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You should really listen to your friends' advice. They are smart!

...unless, of course, they are just dumb and are talking out of their asses, I reckon...

Meh...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Author

Dear Author,

Your writing makes my bits tingle. Many readers complain that your more recent books are nothing more than erotica...You shan't hear me complain! I do like some dirty reading. ;)

Keep 'em comin'! (Pun may or may not have been intended. Haha!)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I'm sitting at my desk. Trying to work.

...but all I can think about is your penis.

Yes. I just said that.

Looove[and delicious cupcakes],
Kimmie.

Dear Dolce

Dear Dolce & Gabbana,

Thank you for making me smell so good. (Even after he spends all week at the bar, I still smell good.)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Store

Dear Store,

Next time I order perfume (or anything breakable, really), could you please put it in a box marked "FRAGILE"? UPS is usually my favorite, but they brought my package in looking like it had been thru a postal stress test or something. I was not impressed.

Work on this, k?

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

Yes...I did just totally just sling that out there. :)

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

I'm a tiny bit attracted to you. I've always thought you were cute. You smell really good, too...even though...it's a bit strange that you wear masculine scents...and one of them definitely reminds me of the Marine. He's delicious...

...oh...I got distracted...

Sahrry!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Puss

Dear Puss,

I miss you horribly. I wanted to come visit you today, but your daddy's dumb girlfriend is apparently there. Please don't give all my loving away. I will come see you soon.

Looove[you always],
Mommy.

P.S. Cross your paws! Perhaps soon you can be with me!

Dear Kimmie

Dear Kimmie,

You've written a lot of letters today... You need to spend some of this energy on that other blog. It's sitting there all lonely and unused and what-not.

Hop to it!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

You're pretty gross. I don't know how he does it...and by "it"...I mean, "you".

=/

[Un]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Mister

Dear Mister,

It's not nice to tease. Don't make promises you aren't going to keep.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

Why did you wait for a day that I looked like frump to come into the bank?! Ugh!

Dear Man

Dear Man,

Damn! You are still hot! If memory serves, you and your wife are "free"...wanna help me satiate my withdrawals? *wink wink* Rawr!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Customers

Dear Customers,

Really?! Would a bath really hurt you? You smell dreadful...and it's hot...which just makes it worse.

Please do us all a favor and bathe...or don't come in at all.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Friend

Dear Friend,

I'm so glad to see you doing something with your blog, finally! I love seeing your new work!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Monday

Dear Monday,

You pretty much suck, today.

That is all.

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

You are not blame free in this. You are the reason you are having withdrawals right now. As the great saying goes, "You made your bed and now you must sleep in it." ...alone...

P.S.

P.S.

Sometimes, I just have an overwhelming desire to lick you...just to see how you taste.

Dear Week

Dear Week,

Please go by quickly. I need to just be able to make it to Thursday, and I'll be "home free" for a few days.

Please hurry.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Friend

Dear Friend,

Please don't fret. I'm certain everything will work out for you. It has to. I've got my fingers crossed for you!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Cousin

Dear Cousin,

Don't be a fucking douche. I'm not even sure anybody really likes you.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Kimmie

Dear Kimmie,

Learn to keep your mouth shut. It always gets you in trouble.

[Tough]Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

It's your fault that I've become fond of furry guys. No...I don't mean werewolves. That would be weird.

P.S.

P.S.

Cupcakes, too. Don't act like you haven't thought about them. ;)

Dear Man

Dear Man,

This really sucks. I need to get laid, like whoa.

Luuust,
Kimmie.

Dear McD's

Dear McD'S,

Your sweet tea is supposed to be good. This is shit.

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Contacts

Dear Contacts,

Stop foggin up! That's so weird...

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Little Girl,

You look like you're twelve... and you packing cigarettes in my drive-thru does not impress me. Nor would it if you looked older...just so you know.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Ladies

Dear Ladies,

What the hell is up with you people and having your computer resolutions set so low that I have to scroll for days to see the whole page?! That is so ridiculous!

Just get glasses or something!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Lady

Dear Lady,

Thank you for the delicious musical snacks! They make me kick my feet like a little kid with an ice cream cone. :)

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I am going to miss that dirty mouth of yours...

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I wish I could stop overanalyzing. I wish things would have ended differently.

Part of me wants to talk to you. Part of me says I shouldn't.

I never realized it had gone this far. I have to start being more aware.

Looove[anyway],
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

You were talking fine this morning. Just clear your throat. Stop trying to get pity.

[Tough]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

You're so cute, I could just punch you in the face!

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. You might not be "Dear Boy" from here on out....maybe only on special occasions... You are technically a grown up now. :)

Dear Kimmie

Dear Kimmie,

To quote a sappy country song... "Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride."

Dry your eyes. Stand up straight. Hold your head high.

Your heart still beats. Your lips still smile. Things are not as bad as they seem.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

It really sucks that something, as good as what we had, ended as badly as it did. They say that first impressions are the most important, but it's the final one that sticks...

This really sucks.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Cousin

Dear Cousin,

You're the best! Thank you for bringing me yummy lunch today! (I knew there was a reason I loved you! Hahahah!!!! Kiddinggggg!!)

But really, thank you!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Let's not beat around the bush. I don't like you. You are snooty.

Also, either you suck at "fitting" or your company sucks at making uniforms. See if you can get me the right size this time, okay?

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I would most likely not get tired of you. I'm not sure exactly in what way you think I would tire of you, but I can assure you...I would gladly sex you every day...more than once, if you wanted.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.  If that is not what you meant...then, you'd likely tire of me first.

Dear Kimmie

Dear Kimmie,

Suck it up and go. You know you need to.

[Tough]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Throat

Dear Throat,

Why must you hurt me so badly? I've been so good to you, yet you ache so much I can hardly breathe... Swallowing is a necessary part of life...please don't be so angry.

[Very little]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

I'm sorry if I came across as rude today... I didn't intend to. You are talented and adorable and I'd like to put you in my pocket and keep you, sometimes... but I'm completely awkward around people that I don't know very well.  Though I've known you for a while... I haven't been around you much, and it's still a bit of shock when I realize just how short you are. I don't feel tall around many people... heh..

Anywho...I'm sorry if I came across as a mean girl...I'm really nice.  I swear!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Skeeto

Dear Skeeto,

Stop biting me! I realize that I'm yummy-licious, but you make me itch!

...and that's not polite...at all...

Hmph!

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I'm pretty sure this makes nothing off-limits for us. Well... almost nothing...

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. Please stop stressing. I don't think it's weird that you like to watch me make cupcakes... I rather prefer it that way. I know you love them. :)

Dear Man

Dear Man,

A good-smelling man is my strongest weakness... Ughhhhhh!!!!!

I want to lick you.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Kindle

Dear Kindle,

I'm so bummed that I left you at home today. Today...of all days... I'm finally caught up with all of my work for the first time in ages...and I have nothing to do to fill my idle time.

Next time, you hop in my purse before I leave. Kthxbai!

Looove,
Kimmie

Dear Mr.

Dear Mr.

You're fun...and cute...and I'm thinking about making you cupcakes... Right. Now.

:)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Shoe

Dear Little Red Shoe Tape Dispenser,

You make me happy... I need happy today.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Friday

Dear Friday,

I'm so glad you are here...Don't run off so soon and take the weekend with you.  I need a break.

Just a tiny one...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Kimmie

Dear Kimmie,

Stop being a dumb girl with dumb girl feelings. Get your shit together.

That is all.

[Tough]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Little Girl,

I love you. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Sometimes, I think you must be my soul child. You remind me so much of me when I was your age. I can't help but smile and shake my head. Sometimes, I wish you were my real child so that I could jerk a knot in your head and say, "Hey! Straighten up!"

I love you. I hope you are doing okay. I hope you get things worked out. I wish there was a way I could afford to come down and spend the day with you doing fun girl things. Cheer you up, somehow.

Please take care of yourself. Chin up. You are gorgeous, and you are loved.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

You seem testy lately...and restless...like a caged animal or something. What's up with that? I worry about you, you know.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Body

Dear Body,

Please don't fall apart on me.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I can't wait to make you cupcakes!

Looove,
Kimmie

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

I'm all about respecting my elders and what-not, but stay the fuck out of my business.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Bitches

Dear Dumb Bitches,

I hope you enjoy the time you have, right now, to volunteer or not. Before too much longer, it won't be a volunteer basis, and you'll have to do it every week. :)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I'd rather like to hang out with you for a while...when I get well... Perhaps you could come over, if my parents would just leave...so you could play my piano. Yes...a real piano. =P Then...maybe grilled cheese at 3:30 in the morning? I've had a hankering...and that's really the best time of day for it.

Yes? No? Yes?

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Checkbook

Dear Checkbook,

Where are you? Come back! It's not like there's any money for you to spend, but I need you just the same.  Oy.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear People

Dear People,

I'm not ignoring you. I just can't hear you. I'm pretty sure my eardrums are swollen up to the size of golf balls.

Then again...in some instances...I probably am ignoring you.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Blogger

Dear  Blogger,

The new layout confuzzes me... O.o

Looove [I think...],
Kimmie.

Dear Death

Dear Death,

Please come quickly. I'm tired of feeling like a sword is being shoved down my throat and into my chest.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Officer

Dear Officer,

Nice blinker.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. That was sarcasm. You would have stopped me for doing the same thing. Moron.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

If you are uncomfortable with how short your skirt is...perhaps it needs to be a little longer...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Pilot

Dear Pilot,

More gas pumps, please.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I'd really like to sex you. Right now. That is all.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Are you even wearing pants? If so, they need to be longer.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

I can see yer panties.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I am so sorry. That seems inadequate. I feel like I'm this tall...  For this time, though, I have to go with my gut feeling...and something is telling me "No."

I hope you can forgive me for this.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Marine

Dear Marine,

Sometimes, you think too much...kinda like a woman. Haha!

Relax!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Kimmie

Dear Kimmie,

That was a bit irresponsible... You know better...

Tsk Tsk.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sister

Dear Sister,

You're the best!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Man

Dear Man(child),

Please don't do this. Don't make a bigger fool of yourself than you already are...

Not. Gonna. Happen.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I can't wait to see you next weekend!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

I have a confession...but I can't confess it here. Just know that it's a good confession... one that would probably make your head swell.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

P.S.

P.S.

Sometimes, I don't even realize I'm thinking about you until I laugh out loud when I remember something you'be said or done.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

You smell bad; your girlfriend looks like a 2 cent whore; and your attitude sucks balls.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

You look fabulous! I'm so proud of you!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear UPS

Dear UPS,

Please make haste in bringing my package.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

We need to exercise more often. I can barely move this morning. Fun & healthy...how much better can it get?

Think about it.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Man

Dear Man,

Thank you & good day!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

I beat you! I beat you! Heh Heh Heh!

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. You don't really have to pay me. Unless you want to. You know you kinda do. *giggle*

P.P.S. You're fun. I like playing Wii with you...even if sometimes, I think you let me win.  But it's still fun.

In other, unrelated news: The dude on TV right now looks very much like a lady. Dude looks like a laaaady!

[Again]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Daddy

Dear Bank Daddy,

You are the shiznit! Milkshakes on Friday afternoon make me happy. (Well...that...and my lunch break. Heh!) You are better than Betty Crocker. You are Buddy Crocker. :)

Looove,
Kimmie. [and the rest of the ladies!]

P.S.

P.S.

I bet you miss me too.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Why are you so fucking annoying?

Is it because you click your pen non-stop until I'd like to take it away from you and stab myself in the temple?

Is it because you feel the need to tell the same story over and over to everyone you see...instead of gathering everyone around to tell it once?

Maybe it's because you never seem to shut up...at all?

It could always be the way you may tell a story, then a couple of hours later walk up to someone and carry on like you had never stopped telling the story.. "...yeah...I was like, blahblahImdumbblahblahandsoannoyingblahblah..."

Any of these are possible. Quite likely, even.

I like it when you aren't at work...so I get a moment of peace & quiet.

Have fun on your day off next week!!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Cupcakes

Dear Cupcakes,

You are delicious.
I miss you terribly much.
You know it was fun.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. Woohoo!! Haikus are fun!

Dear Kimmie

Dear Kimmie,

I am so proud of you. This whole week you've managed to fix your hair and put on makeup and make an attempt to look nice. You are gorgeous.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. I love your new hair!

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You should come see me this weekend...or next weekend. *waggles eyebrows* I'm in the mood to make cupcakes. :)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Really...no one gives a shit.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Morons

Dear Morons,

It's sad that you just laugh when I tell you the truth...and it's not even something I would even want to lie about. Tsk tsk..

You oughtn't be so...naive.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

It has become very apparent to me that, today, you are going to annoy the piss out of me. Let's just try to make it until 5pm without me snapping your head off.

In other words, Shut it.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

You are boring. That is all.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear M&Ms

Dear Peanut Butter M&Ms,

You are delicious.
I love your yummy goodness.
Banana hammock.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. That was a little haiku...just for you...even though it doesn't make sense. *giggle*

Dear Lady

Dear Lady,

Shut it.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Kimmie

Dear Kimmie,

Tsk tsk tsk...

You know better. You're going to get fired...or go to the hot place (which is still likely to get you fired...).

But it's funneh!!! *giggle*

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

Sometimes, it still feels weird to me that you're not around.

Dear Bits

Dear Bits,

You have been exposed. O.o

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I'm writing a story. It's about you. And me. And it's fucking hot. ;)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Cat

Dear Cat-Who-Thought-It-Was-Fucking-Cute-To-Piss-In-My-Car,

Fuck. You.

[No fucking]Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. I hope you die.

Dear Shoos

Dear New Shoos,

You are faboooluss and I love you... Please watch your step...you are already getting scuffed up. If you weren't on the feet of a clutz, you might stand a better chance...but just be careful. K?

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

I feel like you don't like me for some reason. I'm not sure the stories you've heard... It's really okay, though. I don't like you either.

...but I keep thinking about the day I saw your boyfriend and we went up to the top of the parking garage and looked over the city, taking pictures... then we went down a couple of levels to escape the sun and made out like we were in high school.

Of course...he wasn't your boyfriend then.

He made my toes curl and my...well...

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. The sad part is, we'd probably get along swimmingly...if we ever met.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Tub

Dear Big Girl Bath Tub,

I can hear you, in the distance, calling my name. I'm coming for you soon! I can't wait to get in you and soak and relax...and shave my legs like a good little girlscout.

*sigh*

I can't wait! See you soon!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sir?

Dear Sir(Ma'am?),

Where on earth are you headed? Or mayhaps, where have you been?

You come into the bank wearing a hat that looks suspiciously like a "China man's hat", carrying a vaccuum cleaner & a water cooler... and expect no one to ask questions?

It's nearly noon on a Friday... I'm baffled.

Oooh...to be a fly on the wall of your gay little life.

Stay real, gurl!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear People

Dear People,

It really makes things go a lot smoother if you turn all your currency with the faces going the same way. I don't know why it does...but it does... and it only take a second.  Do it.

Please? (I'm really being terribly nice today with all the "please"-es and what not...)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Phone

Dear Fucking Phone,

Please stop ringing off the fucking hook you stupid piece of shit!

I said "please".

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear FedEx

Dear FedEx,

Wtf?! Why can't you ever show up at a decent hour? It's almost time for me to get off work, and you still haven't delivered my package! Ughhh!!!

[Zero]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

Have fun!

Haha!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Thursday

Dear Thursday,

I'm sorry that I've thought (and wished) that you were Friday all day, but you kinda sucked...I need a weekend.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I miss you...but I'll never tell a soul face-to-face.

Dear Kimmie

Dear Kimmie,

Please learn to wait until after you have finished writing a story to go back and edit it. At this rate...you'll never get through!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sister

Dear Sister,

I know there was a time when we didn't get along, at all. (Umm...hello? Who remembers you calling me a bitch on my wedding day? Meeeee!!! =P)

During the past year, we have gotten so close (sometimes too close, haha!), and I'm so glad. I used to wonder what it would be like if Sadie had lived, and I'd have had an older sister...now I feel like I know. It's nice to have someone that I can connect with and talk to.

You have become one of my very best friends (and I never really thought I'd see the day I would say that.) and I love you.

I'm so glad you're my sister.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.  Sometimes, you get on my nerves, still...and I'm sure I get on yours, but that's what sisters are s'pose to do... Right?

Dear Kindle

Dear Kindle,

You might get me fired. I enjoy sneaking peaks at your books when I should be working.

Oops?

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I keep hearing what you said to me... RAWR! You are the kind of man I write stories about.

P.S.

P.S.

That was so hot!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Man

Dear Man,

My god, you are delicious! And soooo much fun!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

Absolutely not.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Man

Dear Man,

What was the point of telling me that story if you aren't going to explain what you meant by it. I thought I was following along quite nicely...untill you kept stressing that one thing...and...I just don't understand it's importance. Perhaps I'm dumb...

...but at least I knew what a flagpole truck was. So nyeh!

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

You need to work on your social skills...but that's nothing new.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I'm not sure what to think exactly... I really feel like you can do better than... that.

It was interesting though...to see you interact with her. I saw you look at her the same way you used to look at me when you thought you were in trouble for something but you were trying to be nice to redeem yourself... What was that about? I have just as much right to be in the store as you do.

She was just not that impressive... this too shall pass... I hope. For your sake.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear 5PM

Dear 5PM,

I'm ready for you. I've been ready since Tuesday morning. I just want a nice relaxing weekend of reading and being nerdy. I wish I could have the house to myself...alas...I don't think that's gonna happen.

Anywhosywhatsit... Hurry up!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Hair

Dear Hair,

You smell sensational!!!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Work

Dear Work,

I don't want to be here today...I just want you to know that.

I have a headache that could possibly be a carry-over from Saturday night...and I just really would rather be laying in my bed with my Kindle. (I be nerd lovin' my Kindle, like whoa!)

Anyway...I'm going to try to be productive today, but don't expect to much... Okay?

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Everyone

Dear Everyone,

It never happened...but, MAN, I can tell a good story, can't I? So convincing...

Hey, you, thanks for going along with it. 'Twas fun!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Netflix

Dear Netflix,

Buffer faster!

Please?

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Drink

Dear Sledgehammer,

It's been....interesting...but, while I still have not thrown up from drinking you (Haha, boy! Haha!), you made me hallucinate like crazy, and I'm not okay with that.  Also, there was the little matter of my tongue & lips going numb...We almost had too much fun last night, my friend.

Thanks for the memories.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Creep

Dear Creep,

AAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[No fucking]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boss

Dear Boss Man,

I need a raise. Nooo... not that kind of raise. Well...maybe that kind of raise... but I really need a monetary raise. Can you help me out there?

*gets on knees and begs* Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeee...

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. Yes...I know...grovelling is so attractive.

Dear Clock

Dear Alarm Clock,

Why must you be so loud & intrusive? Jerking me out of my first night of peaceful sleep in over a week... *whimpers*

[I really don't]Looove[you],
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

P.S.

P.S.

I read the conversation between you and my ex-husband. Naughty, naughty...

Dear Boy

Dear Cute Boy,

You're cute...yes...but, in all fairness, our fees should have been disclosed to you when you opened the account. Beyond that point, if you forget, I think that should be on you.

No...if it were up to me...you would not get your money back.  Ain't I mean?

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Jackass

Dear Jackass,

It's called a fucking STOP sign. Thank you for trying to kill me & the little boy in your truck. Fucker.

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. So glad my brakes work...even if there might be marks on the road...

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

*insert something terribly rude, that would probably earn me a voodoo curse-and you, an evil stare-here*

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. *insert something inappropriate here, for good measure...since I'm already in trouble, anyway*

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Readers

Dear Readers,

I know you are out there... I see you all... I'm like Big Brother. (or maybe more like Big Sister?) How's abouts you leave me a comment? Let me know what you think... You can be anonymous (if you're a chicken), or you can sign your name, log in, whatevs... Just leave me a little note. Tell me...which letters are your favorites? Do the post-scripts confuse you, or are they all part of the game?

I write all these sweet little looove notes, and no one ever writes back. (Well...some of you do...like Lorraine...because she's the bomb.com. I should send her a cupcake!)

Hop to it!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Pants

Dear Pants,

Please behaive today. I know you already have a hole...in an undesirable area... and, unfortunately, I couldn't find any undies this morning...  Prime opportunity for a wardrobe malfunction...but let's not. Okay?

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear My Life

Dear My Life,

Have I told you "Fuck you." lately? No?

Fuck you.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Body

Dear Body,

Why won't you sleep? Rather...why won't you sleep when you are supposed to? Your schedule is getting all fucked up again, and that's not a good thing. When you don't sleep, your mind starts wandering into dangerous territory.  Please straighten out.

I don't need this.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I miss dancing.

Dear Kid

Dear Kid,

This bed! Soooooo comfy! Thanks for letting me borrow it...even though you know nothing about it.

Looove,
Miss Kim.

P.S. There are weird noises & shadows in here...in case you never noticed.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You succeeded in annoying the Hell out of me tonight. And you do NOT know me well enough to talk to me the way you were. Respect for my elders made me bite my tongue, but if there is a next time, I won't.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P S. No chance in Hell with me. Thanks, though.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

P.S.

P.S.

I can't wait to see you!

Dear Dealer

Dear Dealer,

Today was not a good day for you to pick to email me. I almost feel bad for being rude.

Almost...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Little Girl,

Sometimes, you are so much like me, that I think you are my soul child or something. Sometimes...I want to treat you as if you are my child and jerk a knot in your head...but I love you all the same.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,

I considered sending you something. I found the cutest dinosaur necklace at Etsy. The first time I saw it, I thought about you. That was almost a year ago. Then, there was a ring I found that I just know you would love...I didn't get that either.

Truth be told, I think about you every now and then. I miss the friends we were a long, long time ago... before all the "cracks".  Sadly, we haven't been those girls since far before all of this. It's a shame.

I hope you have a very, very Happy Birthday.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

If it was then, like it is now, it probably wouldn't be like it is now. Then again...it might not make a difference at all.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Ladies

Dear Ladies,

You annoy me. Possibly because I'm in heat...but most likely not. All your little nitpick-y gossipping, and your talk about the flood is getting old.

Perhaps one of you has an ice pick I can use to gouge out my ear drums? Thanks. I'd appreciate it!

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.  You could also just try shutting up. That'd work too...

Dear Hair

Dear Hair,

I wish you would make up your mind! Either be completely straight, or be completely curly...this half-way in the middle frizzy ass shit is pissing me off. (Though...if I could make a suggestion...I'd prefer you be completely curly...I miss you curly.)

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. I looove the way you shine in the sun. :)

P.S.

P.S.

You disturb me. A lot.

P.S.

P.S.

You managed to restore my faith in men with one statement about yourself. Kudos.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Cunt

Dear Cunt,

I wonder how you feel when you have to face someone you blatantly lied to...and you know...that they know you lied...

You looked a little nervous...I kinda liked that.

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Man,

I'm really intrigued about you and this piano... I'm a sucker for a man that knows how to play. I'd like to hear you sometime. You can come to my house! :)

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I still love you more than you will ever know.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Brain

Dear Brain,

Please shut off so I can go to sleep... My eyelids are so heavy, but when I close them, you are still going a millionty places at once. It makes me weary...

It's bedtime, now.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Bill Me Later

Dear Bill Me Later,

Ooooh...you are an evil one, my dear.  Tempting me to shop when I haven't the funds...reeling me in with the promise of 6 months, no payments, no interest...Sweetening the deal with free shipping and first time shopper discounts.... Ooooh...you are evil....but you are good...

You should be ashamed...but you aren't... We are quite alike...with our sweet deals and incentives....or something... (read: being so evil yet so good... Heh! Heh! Heh!)

Still....you know...

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S.

P.S.

I kinda liked it. ;)

Dear Boss

Dear Boss Lady,

I'm going to pretend, for your sake, that when you ask me questions like that...it's because you are testing me...not because you really don't know.

Even though we both know better...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Women

Dear Women,

What the hell is wrong with you two this morning?!?! Neither of you have shut up. I do not care to hear your voices all damn day!

I have an idea! Go home...where you are by yourself...record yourself talking (about whatever you would like), then bring ear phones to work and play it back. There! Now, you can hear yourself talk all you like...and I don't have to hear a worddddd....

Ugghhhhh!

Looove,
Crabby Kimmie.

Dear Weather

Dear Weather,

It's the middle of fuh-reaking May! It should NOT be this nippley in my rooooom!

Warm up! Un poquito, por favor!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

P.S.

P.S.

I believe you owe me, sir.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Puss

Dear Puss,

I miss you terribly. I miss your sand paper tongue on the end of my nose. I miss your happy biscuits & little purr. I miss you snuggling with me at night.

I hope I can find a place to live soon so you can be with me. I love you, little puss-child.

Looove,
Mommy.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Kimmie

Dear Kimmie,

You are a smart girl. You know that you are your own worst enemy. Why, then, do you keep doing this to yourself?

Common sense, Kimmie. Please.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Pants

Dear Under Pants,

Please stay where you belong, or I will throw you out. The end.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Parts

Dear Lady Parts,

Please stop hurting! You make me want to cut you out!

Although...that would kill two....birds...with one stabby-rip-stab-stab...

Keep that in mind!

Looove [but not really],
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

It seems to be constantly pointed out that we have so much in common... Most recently? Our love for meat sticks.

Impressive...I know.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Man

Dear Man,

You know that thing you asked me about? Yeah....it happened...it was kinda interesting...

That is all...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Children

Dear Small Children,

Thank you for re-affirming my decision to never have kids.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

Come snuggle me. It's ok. I won't tell your girlfriend. ^.^

I even made room on the action mattress. Heh heh heh!

Looove [and snuggles!],
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Cheater

Dear Cheater,

It's cheating if the cross you bear has a wheel. Just letting you know....

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Sir

Dear Other Sir,

You're smile is so contagious. When I see it, I can't help but smile back...even if it's just at a picture. Ruhtarded...I know... You shouldn't be so cute.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

Even after all these years, when you call me "baby", it makes me feel loved and happy.

Thank you.

Looove,
Kimmie

Dear Stalker

Dear Stalker,

You need to get a life and stop stalking. It's creepy. Seriously.

Looove,
Kimmie [and everyone else you stalk]

Dear Boy

Dear Cute Boy,

That dream...Oooh that dream...

Thank you for entertaining me so.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Bed

Dear Bed,

I've been thinking about you. I'll be coming for you soon.

I only wish there was a cute boy to snuggle with...preferably of legal age...who smells really yummy...and has really nice strong arms to hold me tight.

...and maybe he could be rich and like to give me money? I can trade sexual favors! *giggle*

Oh well....I made you...I must to sleep in you...alone.

For now.

Looove [and see you soon!],
Kimmie.

Dear Job

Dear Job,

Ugh...

That is all.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. I can't believe I have been with you for 5 years! (So....obviously...that wasn't all.)

That is all.

Dear Dumbass

Dear Dumbass,

Being rude (and a dumbass) will get you nowhere (but the bottom of the stack) fast.

Don't be a dick.

[Tough]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Mouth

Dear Mouth,

Apparently...there's a leak...as evidenced by the Eau de Vitamin Water I'm now wearing in my cleavage. I really appreciate that...thanks.

You should probably get that fixed.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boss

Dear Boss Lady,

I can't believe you told me to bite you! I'm appalled!

Actually...it was pretty damn funny! *giggle*

You're cool.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Work

Dear Work,

I am DEFINATELY earning me keep these days. How about increasing my "keep"? No? You sure? That's kinda what I figured...

Dang it!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Everyone

Dear Everyone,

I can be a bitch...at times...and I've been told that it comes across quite nicely...without even having to try.

...Even the dumb ones have to pick up on it...(especially because we all know that they aren't as dumb--or innocent--as they like to pretend).

I just wanted to warn you all...because...sometimes I'm a nice girl. Some of you know that. Very well.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Mother

Dear Mother Nature,

Shame on you! Again! No warning or anything?!?! I see you've been flexing your bitch muscles again...

Ugh...

[Very little]Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Mother

Dear Mother Nature,

Shame on you! Shame. On. You. It's not polite to threaten the lives & livelihood of all these people with the Mighty Mississippi. You are causing panick and stress.

While I'm not panicking or stressing at the moment, I'm trying to be prepared. Packing pictures, jewelry and other important belongings.

...I only hope nothing happens while I have a trunk full of sex toys...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Your fake laugh is annoying...and fake. Everyone knows you're always a bitch...so there's no need to pretend.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

The fact that you were jealous means something...I'm not sure what, exactly, but it does

Just something to think about. God knows that I can't stop thinking about it.

FML.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

You really shouldn't talk to me like that. It's terribly inappropriate...not to mention there's that girlfriend. She probably wouldn't like either of us very much if she knew what you were saying to me. Tsk tsk....

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Man

Dear Werewolf Man,

Why don't you think I'm dead, yet?! Stop texting me!

Oy.

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

It's a shame you had a pang of conscience...again.

That is all.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

It is SO cold in this house! I wish you were here to keep me warm...but since that can't happen, I'll just let my imagination warm me. *giggle*

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

You are too cute! I will never live down the fact that I gave the cute boy too much money... At least you're honest and are bringing it back. Good boy.

Looove,
Kimmie

Dear Whomever

Dear Whomever,

"Gently used" was probably the wrong terminology... I sincerely hope you don't have a bandwidth limit...  If you do, perhaps you should consider securing that wireless network.

Thanks, though!

Looove,
Kimmie [and her music collection!].

Dear River

Dear River,

Keep on movin'. Worrying about you won't do anything to better the situation, but if you'll just keep moving, I think we'll be fine.

No dilly-dally-ing!!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Levee

Dear Levee,

Please stay strong.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Marine

Dear Marine,

I tend to have very dirty thoughts about you. I hope you're okay with that. ;)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Whomever

Dear Whomever,

Thank you, kindly, for having an unsecured wireless network. I hope you don't mind my...uh...borrowing it. :)  I'll return it gently used. Swearsies!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Cupcakes

Dear Cupcakes that I Made on Sunday,

You were delicious! It's just a shame that I can't have you ever again. I'll be a little sad at first, I'll admit...but I'll dream of you often.

It was fun while it lasted.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Site

Dear Porn Site,

What the fuck? How did someone find my blog through you? I realize that I can be a bit inappropriate...and I've said "penis" and "fuck", but...geeze.

[Naughty]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Readers

Dear Readers,

I'm going to take a short hiatus, I believe. I have letters I'd like to write...but now is not the time...well...now is the time...but, though I have a penchant for being inappropriate, this is not the place.

Eventually, we all do what needs to be done for us. No amount of advice from others is going to sway us, until we make up our minds to do it.

I've been there before...and I'm sure many of you have too... For those of you there now...my heart breaks for you because I know it's not an easy decision to make...but it gets better.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P.S. Until I return, I'll probably be found at Pimp My Cupcake. However, if you think you might be offended or unhappy by anything you happen to read there...I'd advise you not to click that link. I won't apologize.

Dear Monday

Dear Monday,

Why are you even here? I would rather still be sleeping...or call in dead to work, but unfortunately we're already going to be running a skeleton crew. It's pretty bad when the Senior VP of the bank is working a teller window.

Oy.

[Almost no]Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Lady

Dear Lady,

Lay off the jumping beans...I'm worried about your heart...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Dear Ass

Dear Ass,

Your being mean to me is not going to make you want me any less...or your girlfriend like me any more...so...there's really no point.

I'm just sayin'.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Little Boy,

I remember the day I fell in love with you. It felt as though my heart would explode into a million pieces, when I heard you laugh. I was looking at a picture on my phone from when you were a baby, today. I found the invitation I made to your 1st birthday party tonight, and I got a little misty-eyed. I can't believe you are 5 now, and you "have to grow up".

Please try to stay little as long as possible. You are growing entirely too fast.

[I]Looove[you],
Kim Kim

Dear Man

Dear Nice Man Who Gave Me a Compliment,

That was super nice and made me smile. Thank you.

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Store

Dear Store,

Why must you be closed on the only day I can come to you? That is just rude.

[You get no]Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear B,

Dear B,

This morning, I was putting on lotion, and the smell of lavender & vanilla reminded me of when I saw you in July. I couldn't help but smile. Our few visits were the only time I was happy there for a few months.

Thank you for that.

Looove[always],
Kimmie.

P.S. Sometimes, I wonder if you think about us--whatever "we" were--and smile.

Dear Pizza

Dear Breakfast Pizza,

You are yummy good with all your breakfast-y, pizza-y goodness. You also make my tummy very happy...and full. Yay!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

Damn...

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Girl

Dear Other Little Girl,

"Today, I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to lay in my bed." Thank you so much for getting that song stuck inside my head. O.o I can't stop singing it...and that's the only flipping part I knowwww!!!! Oy...

I'm gonna go chill on the couch in my snuggie...maybe watch some MTV so they can teach me how to dougie...

*walks away shaking head*

Looove[anyway],
Kimmie.

Dear Ladies

Dear Ladies I Had Lunch With,

You are each funny on your own. But...put you two together...and I couldn't breathe! I wish I had lunch with you both everyday. Work would be much more bearable(even though I'm not sure if that's the correct spelling.).

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Steps

Dear Steps,

You are so mean...making me trip and skin my knee.  I don't remember skint knees hurting this bad when I was little. :(

[No]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Girl

Dear Little Girl,

I heard...the most intriguing thing today... I heard that you "make it harder than a left turn downtown"... I'm not sure what "it" is, but it sounds pretty hard...Maybe dangerous, too.

What do you think?

Heh heh heh...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Body

Dear Body That I Sleep Next to in My Dreams,

How I wish you were real... I know who you belong to, and that is one body I'll never really get to snuggle with, I'm sure. You do help me sleep better at night, though. Whenever I dream that I'm wrapped up in your arms, I sleep so sound and comfortably. I wake up in the morning a little sad that it's over, and you've gone away again.

Please come back to me everynight...even if it is just a dream...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

I have been told that we should see if your truck will smoke my car.

Time and place? Heh! ;)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Friend

Dear Friend,

It was so good to see you this weekend. I have missed your smiling face terribly. You are still my favorite. I think I love you the most because I as cute and sweet as you are, I have absolutely no desire to get in your pants.

Please don't disappear on us again...that girl doesn't have to be around for you to come see your family, you know...

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy Driving My Car,

Please! PLEASE! Drive carefully and take care of her. You are the first person I have let drive her since she became mine...It's not that I don't think you are a good driver...and I know you are running a business, so you will be responsible....I think it's just that she's so far away...without me...*whimper*

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

You should not drive so fast around me. It just makes me want to floor it...and while fast driving does tingle my bits, a ticket (or worse) would not.

Also...I've been thinking, and as much as it pains me to say it... ...

*cough*I'mafraidyourtruckwouldsmokemycarfromadeadstandstill.*cough*

Looove[regretfully],
Kimmie.

P.S. Nobody likes a show-off. Hmph...

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Dear Drunks

Dear Drunk Ass Bitches I Had to Sit Next to at IHOP,

It is NOT okay to ask the waitress where the new dildo shop is. Also, it's not polite to discuss orgasms...or lack there of...at the table.

Looove,
Kimmie.

P. S. Ask the waitress to bring me some more sweet tea, would ya? I've asked 3 times...apparently she's thinking about dildos... *sigh*

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Dear Dude

Dear Dude,

I would like to...uh...how did you put it..."ride you like seabiscuit".

No lie.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Penis

Dear Penis,

I have begun to forget what you look like...This morning, I found a picture on my phone...and boy do I hope that you don't all look like that. It's kinda disappointing.

Oops.

Looove[anyway],
Kimmie.

Dear 2:00PM

Dear 2:00PM,

I hate you. Especially on a Wednesday when I have to relieve drive thru, and we are already short-handed a teller and a loan clerk, so I have to fulfill the duties of both.

Have I mentioned that I hate you?

[No]Looove[at all],
Kimmie.

Dear Lady

Dear Little Old Lady,

You are so cute, and always so sweet. Today, I think for the first time, I noticed your outstanding style. You came to the bank dressed in cream-colored, satiny pajama pants (with hot pink cotton shorts over them) and your blue flower-y pajama top (covered by a red flower-y smock type thing). I only hope I have style like you when I get to be 80.

I mean no disrespect, as I think you are so cute that I would like to just pick you up and hug you...but I couldn't stop giggling at those hot pink shorts!

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Person

Dear Person,

I can't stop giggling. You proved my point. You think about it as much as I do. *giggle* (Ain't I cute all giggly?) ;)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Night

Dear Clear Country Night,

You always remind me what I love about the country. No sounds except for the crickets chirping. A clear view of the star-filled southern sky. If I was a betting girl, I would bet this is what heaven is like.

The only thing that's missing is a blanket on the ground and someone holding my hand.

Thank you for calming my soul.

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Stooges

Dear Stooges,

How do you lose a whole box of quarters? It's bigger than a brick, orange, and weighs a ton...

Get your act together...

Also...thanks for the money that no one signed for. I need some fancy ass rims for my car! :)

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear My Life

Dear My Life,

Fuck you.

That is all.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

This morning, while I was slacking at work (because I'm obviously not still slacking...), I was looking through my email archives at some messages between you and I from a few months back...

It's pretty ridiculous how much they still make me smile and giggle...

I miss good conversation. Let's hang out.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,

Sometimes, I think you talk just to hear the sound of your own voice.  Please...just take a deep breath...

...and shut the hell up.

Thanks.

Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Dryer

Dear Dryer,

Why must you do such horrendous things to my bras?!?! The first time I forget they are in with my wet laundry, and dry them along with the rest of my clothes, you wreak havoc. Wtf?! Not cool!!

How does a bra fucking shrink?!

Ugh!!

[Absolutely no]Looove,
Kimmie.

Dear Boy

Dear Boy from My Dreams,

I have no idea who you are, but you are amazing. You need to come back, for really reals...not just in dreamland.

You have, quite possibly, the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen in my life...and the softest lips...and perfect jaw line...

Oh. Muh. Guh. Come back, please.

Looove,
Kimmie.

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Dear Friend

Dear Amazingly Awesome Friend,

You are amazingly awesome. You have been there for me...listening when I had husband drama, and now when I just want to ramble about anything(or one) and everything(or one).

Oh! And thank you times a millionty for opening your home & shower to me while we have no water.

You are definitely at the top of the super short list of my very best friends.

...and to think...I didn't think I'd like you at all when I first met you. Boy was I wrong! I love you, A.M.R.I.B.P.I.P. II!

Looove,
Kimmie.

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